E99: How Relationships Impact Your Purpose
**This episode was transcribed by Otter.ai, so please forgive any spelling errors.
Dr. Seida 0:00
You're listening to the Loveish podcast and I'm your host, Dr. Sita hood, Vision architect and licensed therapist. Each week, I'm going to help you to develop the belief and strategy necessary to make an immediate impact on the world by deep diving into topics like mental wellness, faith, relationships, and you guessed it, love. I should mention before we happen to the show, this is not a substitute for a relationship with a licensed therapist. You ready? Let's get it
Dr. Seida 0:39
Welcome back for another episode of the Loveish Podcast. I am your host, Dr. Sita hood, Vision architect and licensed therapist. How're you doing today? What's going on how you fill in we are six months into the year how is life going for you if you are not liking how 2023 has been going? I want to let you know just a reminder you have permission to reset at any time you don't need a new quarter you don't need a new year you can reset with the new day you can reset with the new hour so you can pivot whenever you need to. If you find yourself struggling Alright, let's get into it. What's in your mug today honey, y'all know I love cold brews, right cool bruiser Bay. First of all, they're low on calories, not Uber sweet, and they're just delicious. So I have this white chocolate macadamia cold brew. Yeah, yeah. What are you drinking? I love reading Machala drink and down below in the comments. Or if you're watching this, then tag me on social media. Listen, before we get into the tea of today's episode, y'all, we are coming up on the 100th episode. And I need ideas for how to celebrate reaching 100 episodes of the Loveish podcast. Wow. And then shortly after that in August, we're going to be celebrating the two year podcast anniversary. I need ideas for that, too. So last year for the anniversary, I hosted an anniversary party, I'll probably do something similar to that again, I gave away prizes, and I had some guests on the show. I would really like to do something similar but different to that. So how would you like to celebrate the anniversary with me because I want to invite you to the anniversary party. And I don't even know when it's going to be I'm just saying it's coming up. So two things I need from you one What should we do on the 100th episode and y'all gotta bring those suggestions in quick because we coming up on it real quick. And then two, what should we do for the anniversary party? All right, let's get into today's episode. relationships and how they're impacting your purpose. Who you are in relationship with either holds you back or propels you forward. It's just a fact I tried to argue one the internet or the airwaves, okay, it is a fact who you are connected to who's influencing you impacts the trajectory of your life I want you to consider with me for a second the was Dorothy versus the crows when it came to the Scarecrow and his belief system around the crows versus Dorothy. Let's look a little bit deeper. Are you ready? So the Scarecrow had all these big visions, these big owl dreams, right? He was up there. I wouldn't get up off of this pole. What if I go walk? What if I could first of all I just thought of something. If you haven't seen The Wiz, what are you doing? Go watch the wins. Okay, because I'm ready to bust out in song right now. Okay, might do it might do it later. Anyway, he thought that he could walk and he was like, Hey, guys, I really want to walk and I was like, Ooh, you didn't forgot the crow. It was the crow anthem, thou shall never get down off of his heel pole. Right? And then he had to sing. And the song was completely about UK elite. So they was telling him hammer in his head, you can't win, you cannot do this. And they were doing it pretty boldly. And I think they were doing it pretty boldly, obviously because it's a theatrical production. But how many times do you have ideas and you say something to somebody or something that you want to do something you want to try and be like girl you want to do that but what you're gonna do about this and it's not necessarily that people are against you, although some of them people are against you. They just don't want to say it and they might be a little bit jealous that you but anyway moving on. It's not that they're against you, but the way that it comes out might be chokes might be advice, you know, and for those that are listening, I'm doing air quotes with this because come on, let's be real, but the Scarecrow was scared that he believed that he could do things differently. But his worst fears continued to be confirmed by the people that he thought were his friends. So how many times have you said something, you put something out there? And then there's a big fear there's a big hindrance in the back of your mind and you are like, you've already kind of thought of a solution for that. But you say it out loud. And then the person that you say it to comes and directly confirms that fear based on what they're saying. So it wasn't until somebody different came along. Toward the girl phase I Anna Ross that he had the bravery to try something different. But Tommy, I had some I have a one day wine No, no for you know, new free is about to keep y'all stuck. As I said it, no new friends is about to keep, you're stuck, because you're not supposed to be running with all the same people that you grew up with. Now, I'm not saying that there's nothing wrong with maintaining childhood friendships and stuff like that. I absolutely believe in that. But also, there's levels to it, who's still attached to you? Who is hindering you from your purpose versus pushing you to your purpose? What are they saying even when the Scarecrow actually tried to do the thing with Dorothy with his new friend, he failed a couple of times, and the scarecrows or the crows were willing to let him try. But they were still whispering things about his worth, and about what was possible for him. And sometimes you need somebody to advocate for you and take you away from the toxic things and the toxic people in your environment so that you can learn so that you can hold on to the belief that you really can do this. And if you remember that particular scene, and the Whiz, Dorothy was like, you can do this, you just need a different set of environment or something like that, she said, and then she went and she shoots the crows out of there. She got them out there. And then he practiced again, he was wobbly, it wasn't perfect. And then he did it. He was skipping. Now why was that so relevant, because it seemed like it's so simple, right? But the message there is you will fail you will fall, it is going to feel weird. At first, you are going to believe the lies that you believed your whole life which say you can't do a thing, when you're trying something new imposter syndrome is very real. But that doesn't mean that you have to give into imposter syndrome. Once you actually put yourself out there to try it you find out that you can be successful, you might just need a change of scenery, a change of people, a change of environment, something to consider. But relationships are very important when it comes to your purpose. Because you can either tap into your purpose or go further away from your purpose, based on what you are listening to what people are saying to you. Next is your support system that picks you up and shows you you in the mirror when you can't see you. And this can go positive and this can go negative. Sometimes we need to hear hard things, everything is not just going to be hunky dory and about all the great things that we do. If you got folks that's only telling you the great things that you do. You need to examine why they're really in your life because a well rounded friendship is going to give loving constructive feedback at the time that you need to hear it, but also a gang of support and love, they are wholeheartedly invested in you and your well being it might take somebody saying something that is wildly uncomfortable. And that might cause you to look in the mirror to see if what they're saying has any relevance or any truth to it. That's why we have to give feedback even when it's hard. I talked to people so many times, and they're just like, Oh, it's so much easier to ghost in this relationship. Yeah, yeah, that's the easy route. But if you navigate through the conflict, and you give the person that feedback, you are helping them even if it doesn't feel good, you help them to take a look in the mirror, you help them to understand Hmm, that might actually be me. Oh, no, because I keep hearing this message. And it didn't really mean much when other people said it. But when you said it, man, you won't be lions. So that might mean that it might be true. So we have to understand that the hard feedback actually accelerates us even more than the positive feedback. And you have to be open to that because that is what is going to push you towards your purpose. My practice celebrated seven years in business, yes, seven years in business last month, and I probably wanted to give it up and shut it down three times, maybe more three times that I can remember specifically. And during those times that I wanted to give up. It was my mama, it was my husband, it was Michelle or it was my friend. It was a specific set of people that said no, we're not going to let you give up and they held up on me You're up to my face and said, this might be hard right now.
Dr. Seida 10:03
But look at everything you have done. Look at who you are, look at who you are becoming. And when we are discouraged, and in our lowest moments, and we want to quit, and we want to give up, we need people to hold the mirror up to us to say, hey, ah, I'm not letting you walk away from your purpose. I'm not letting you walk away from something that you are so passionate about, you have to pursue this thing, because you're changing lives here, and you feel tired, but you don't have permission to quit. There is an episode, I think it's become unstoppable or say yes to your future. One of those, both of those are really good episodes that are recorded. In one of those episodes, I'm talking about why you have to commit to your future, why you don't have permission to stop, because people need what you have people need your vision, and it doesn't always feel good. And if you are in that place, like I was where you were struggling to actually feel like this was something that you can do, I'm holding up the mirror to you today to say you cannot quit, you can't stop your voice is too important. Your message is too powerful. The impact that you have on people around you and your community goes way further than you could even imagine. You cannot stop, you do not have permission to stop. You have to keep going. You can rest. You can make wellness, your lifestyle so that you don't end up in this place of exhaustion again, but you cannot quit and you need those people in your life that don't let you quit on you. Another thing that I remember when I got some feedback from my best friend Alana, I think I was having a hard time emotionally and I was struggling. And it was her that held up a mirror to show me a pattern of mine. And she was like, girl, you do this every time. I was like, What are you talking about? She said, Girl, you do this every time you dream big. You put in a lot of work, you get super excited. And then you freak out. And when you freak out, you think that it won't work. You think that you can do it. And then you call me. You have your freakout. And then you get up and you host a flawless phenomenal event. And I was like I do. That's what I do. I guess you right? It took her saying that for me to be able to identify the pattern. I couldn't see that for myself. And so now if I find myself having a freakout moment, I remember Okay, girl, this is just part of your pattern. This is just part of your pattern. So holding up the mirror and showing us ourselves works in a lot of different ways. But it is so valuable when I think about all the things that I could have given up on but I didn't give up on simply based on somebody holding a mirror up to me, Man, y'all would not have the visionary playbook if it weren't for somebody holding up a mirror. And I showed this on my stories a few weeks ago. But I'm like so happy about this. This is the evidence of hard work, right? That is what this symbolizes. This is so much more than a workbook for me It symbolizes my dreams, it symbolizes my visions and to know that people have already worked through this stuff, work through the content found the content valuable and to see it in printed tangible form. This means that all the tiers was not for nothing. All the work was not for nothing. And I never would have gotten here to have a system, a book, a program a thing to help change communities to help change your life. So you can go change communities if I had stopped so you need people to hold up the mirror and show you you. Okay, here's the final consideration. I want you to carefully consider who pours into you daily. And when you consider this question I want you to think about what are you listening to Who are you watching? What is your spirit digesting daily, it all boils down to who or what is influencing you because something is always influencing you whether you know it or not. The influence could be that you see something and you realize that you don't want to be like that person or that you find some persons event inspirational and you want to do a variation of that. So you have to examine what's coming into your eyes what's coming into your ears either way you owe it to future you to examine what is impacting you. Girl what you've been watching what you've been reading, what you've been listening, social media, Queens, what's up welcome back to another media queens. I have been reading so much but the book that I want to talk about today is pretty things by Janelle Brown. A pretty thing Oops pretty things pretty things. I'm about to give away a lot of spoilers. FYI, if you haven't read the book if you want to read the book, I think this book came out fairly recently one or two years ago. I don't know. I want to talk about Nina and Vanessa, but neces entire perspective of Nina and her mom was influenced by Vanessa's mom. Vanessa's mom had a lot of false information. And she judged Nina based on lily, her mom's choices. And that's a little bit petty. If you asked me No, no, no, no, no, no. And Nina judged the entire family. Based on Mr. Lee brings poor response or his poor reaction to something that honestly it was warranted it, he was just upset about something else. And so the point here being those belief systems about these particular families, guided the path that both Vanessa and Nina went on for their life. It took them years going round about roundabout, roundabout in a circle to get to something they enjoyed something that was we can say in alignment with their purpose. And at the end, big spoiler last chance to skip it over. And at the end, they ended up being friends, and they could have been friends the whole time. Had they just had a conversation, have they not been surrounded by people and influences that were telling them something? For example, the whole time, Mrs. Laboring and Mr. Laboring thought that it was Nina who gave Benny drugs. When it was actually Binney, who gave Nina drugs. And when Vanessa found that out, she was completely shocked. So the family has spent their entire lives or 1512 I think it was like something like that. 12 to 15 years blaming Lilly and Nina and I'm not going to get into the other spoilers but the point being you have to be really careful who you are in relationship with what you believe about things that they say and I'm not saying that people lie but sometimes people just don't have the whole truth. Like Mrs. Laboring assuming that Nina gave Benny drugs when that was completely the opposite. You have to experience and know things for yourself. Did you enjoy today's episode? 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Transcribed by https://otter.ai
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