E94: Confidence Lessons from Cardi & Lizzo
**This episode was transcribed by Otter.ai, so please forgive any spelling errors.
Dr. Seida 0:00
You're listening to the Loveish podcast and I'm your host, Dr. Sita hood, Vision architect and licensed therapist. Each week, I'm going to help you to develop the belief and strategy necessary to make an immediate impact on the world by deep diving into topics like mental wellness, faith, relationships, and you guessed it, love. I should mention before we happen to the show, this is not a substitute for a relationship with a licensed therapist. You ready? Let's get it
Dr. Seida 0:39
Hello, hello. Welcome back for another episode of the Loveish Podcast. I am your host, Dr. Sita hood, Vision architect and licensed therapist. If you are listening to this on your favorite listening platform, I want to let you know it's another video podcast. So you can head on over to my YouTube channel and watch the video. what's in your mug. Today I am featuring a throwback mug here, it's my Hey, boo. Well, I mean, I didn't create this mug but there's an idea that's brewing there with the hay boom. Okay, anyway, I got it from target a few years ago and I am just drinking some regular schmegle A bag Allah, donut shop coffee, and it's fine too. Okay, how are you feeling this week? What's going on? As you can tell from the title of today's episode, we are talking about confidence, confidence, confidence, confidence, we are taking some lessons from cardi and Lizzo.
Today on confidence, competence is required. When you are moving to different phases of your life. When you are going for a promotion when you are dating, when you have to have hard conversations, you have to have confidence in what you're saying what you're doing, etc. Alright, so y'all know I love definitions. Let's go into the formal definition of confidence. Confidence is the state of feeling certain about the truth of something, the definition that we're going to use today for the show is going to marry that one. But we're also going to add having the courage to take risks and being willing to get up after you fail. Okay, so confidence. We're kind of marrying those two definitions here. You went me you were me. Okay. Okay, I'm just checking, just checking, making sure you're good. Alright, so now Dave, you are, and I'm just gonna say it. If you you know what, I'm gonna try to say it nicely.
If you tend to behave like a Pharisee at Christian, meaning you're caught up in religious traditions, and you turn your nose up at certain types of people. And for those that are listening, I just did air quotes on types of people. You turn your nose up at certain types of people, then you probably don't have a hard time with this episode. Okay, because I love me some Cardi B and I love me some Lizzo. Okay, I love them. Okay, just, let's, let's just get that on out the way. So if you choose it to still listen to this episode, or watch this episode, just clutch your pearls and keep it moving. Take the lesson, okay? Because Holy Spirit uses anybody to teach a lesson, and so on period. Okay, let's get into it.
So why cardi and Lizzo? I want to offer this caveat before we get into it. This is social media, it's TV, it is news. So in reality, we do not see the real raw versions of these women, I'm fully aware of that we know only what they allow us to see. And so the lessons that I am going to be talking to you about today are solely based on what we see. But because these are two women who show the world and of course, I said I would have caveat. They show the world consistently who they are flaws. And all these weren't just one or two experiences where you know, they say something that was controversial, or they cursed when they were talking or whatever. But they consistently maintain what therapists will call baseline of behavior the entire time. So they show us who they are. And that's why I think they're good to learn lessons on confidence because they are authentically themselves.
And most of the people that listen to this podcast, so that includes you, most of the people that listen to this podcast are in a phase where maybe you've had to break away from some relationships that are no longer the best for your life in this season. And so you might be finding yourself wondering, number one, who am I how do I function in the world? And who is this new version of me that I aspire to be and how I can become that person. But you also might be asking yourself, How can I show up more authentically and in turn authenticity with coffee? difference, you know, those go hand in hand. So you're asking the question, How can I do these things? And so these are two women that answer that question for us. They are authentically themselves. So here we go. You ready? Okay. Let's dive in. Lesson number one, be willing to learn from others.
So I think both cardi and Lizzo are willing to learn new experiences and ways of doing life while still being authentic to who they are an example of this, if you saw the show, if you didn't, you could just Google it. I think it's on YouTube or something like that. cardi tries. So it's like cardi tries ballet, cardi tries firefighting, but she did a series of things where she was trying a lot of stuff. I think the show is a really cute idea. But it also shows cardies vulnerability, and that she's willing to admit that she doesn't know everything, like sometimes I think we can put superstars on such a pedestal, or celebrities or famous people on such a pedestal, but we forget that they're human just like us. And so they might be an expert in one particular area.
But that doesn't make them an expert in all the areas. So that's a cute show where I'm like, Yes, girl, you can try fire Biden. And if you don't like it by and even also McCarty's lives that she's done on Instagram with her, like trying new recipes and stuff like that, like with drinks and things, I think that's a cool thing to see her kind of in her element in her home with her kids, and just being a normal human. So just having the willingness to learn from other people. And I think also, sometimes as people who carry influence, and I'm talking about you now, yes, you do carry influence whether you realize it or not, you can stop denying it now. But as people who carry influence, we can sometimes fall into the trap of thinking that we shouldn't, or we don't have to show our vulnerabilities. And it's actually really important for us to show them, but to also be measured in how we show this. So it doesn't have to mean that we are letting everything hang out wearing our heart on our sleeve. But we still need to be able to show that we have a heart that we are human.
So that's the first lesson lesson number two, unapologetically show up Lizzo does an amazing job of this. Liz Oh shows up if she is hurt, and she shows up. If she's excited, we see it, she brings her whole self to the situation. And some people be like that letter HA HA HA HA HA it's combined. And she always she, I like it. But I think number one, it takes nothing to hit the unfollow button. If it bothers you that much. It takes nothing to kind of get Lizzo out of your algorithm if you're bothered. But also, just like a crowd of people who hate that she cries all the time, she has twice as many people that love that she shows up. So vulnerably. And just like Lizzo, you got the same thing. If you're that friend, or you're that person that's always emotional, and you bring your whole self to a situation.
A lot of times when I meet people like this, they're usually apologizing for sharing their emotion and sharing their heart. And sometimes I even have people that are like texting me, you know, and they might be a little bit delayed and getting back or they text me and don't say good morning or something. And they're like, I'm so sorry, I didn't say good morning. I'm like, yo, if we're cool, and we text each other pretty regularly. You don't even have to say good morning to me. Like it's nice for you to do that. But I feel like when our relationship has reached a certain threshold, our conversation is simply a continuous flow, right? Is it polite to say good morning? Yes. But am I mad if you don't know. Because if we're having a continuous flow, that means that you're a regular part of my life.
So I tell people all the time, you don't have to apologize for being busy. You don't have to apologize for being emotional. You don't have to apologize for having to cry for feeling your feelings. And when we think about somebody that shows up and they're crying or they're hurt, or they're emotional, or you know, angry or whatever that is you being human in, in its most vulnerable sense. And it's beautiful. And I think we hide that too much. So much so to the point that we feel the need to apologize when we're struggling or when we feel emotions in an extreme sense. And when we are extremely angry, extremely happy, extremely sad. We're crying. You're human. You're supposed to be like that. So kudos to you Liz Oh girl for showing up online and being your authentic self. I love it. The next thing that I love about unapologetically showing up is this right here.
Dr. Seida 9:50
Lizzo and cardi literally show up dang near naked in so many videos and events. And a lot of people don't like it and a lot of people just just the type of woman they are. I'm using air quotes for y'all that are listening, the type of woman that they are just because they show up half naked. But I have always believed that you should never ever, ever judge a book by its cover.
Because you don't know the story that lies inside of the pages of that book, you don't understand what it was that got them there, you don't understand what it took for them to show up in that space. And I love seeing women be who they are. You don't have to ask a question or be surprised by how Lizzo and cardi show up because you already know who they are and how they're going to show up. So really nothing that they do surprises you it's not you know, where they shape shift in different environments, and they become a whole different person. No, they are who they are. First of all, you know, if you have a Washington Lizzo or Cardi B music video, VO keys, angle B what they did, they can watch it, they can watch it, because you know, it depends on the age and everything right, some of the songs they can listen to, you got to prove that stuff first.
Because while they are being their authentic selves, and being vulnerable, you know what you're gonna get, there is not going to be a surprise when you play the song when you watch the show when you look at the movie, like it is what it is. And I'm not saying that Cardian Lizzo can't send her down because I have seen some instances where they do. And I believe that they have been very respectful when I have seen them, you know, like in a church environment or talking to somebody who's saved or something like that, like, again, another thing that I love about them. So showing up unapologetically as yourself is lesson number two on confidence. Lesson number three in our final lesson here, your confidence is the vehicle to the life that you can't stop dreaming about. Both Cardi B and Lizzo. Got brand deals based on being themselves. They didn't have to change who they were to get a brand deal changed how they show up to get a brand deal.
There were brands that love what cardi and Lizzo stand for love the message that cardi and Lizzo are sharing and they were like, Yo, we need you on our campaign come on over here. And so the exact same thing can happen for you, while you are being yourself and being confident you don't have to shape shift to fit somebody else's agenda. And that is even the agenda of where you are trying to get to right if there's a company that you want to work with, or whatever the case is. I'm not talking about adjusting a few pieces here and there. Because obviously like that's normal, that's part of life. If you are working with a company, you can do that.
But again, I'm talking about principles. I'm talking about principles, priorities, the way that you present, the way that you show up, we're not talking about the simplicity of expectations in relationship like the how and a little bit more in depth here. We're talking about you being yourself. So you never have to shape shift. You never have to change your original makeup. You never have to change who you are. And this also reminds me of Paul from the Bible saw Paul, he was hardcore, okay, he was hardcore. He was like killing people left and right, killing Christians, right. He was killing him. Literally people were terrified of him. He was very bold in his stance and bold in his belief. And when he got saved after he had an experience with God, God did not change the way Paul's personality was. He was still bow he was still making bold moves, is just when he changed now he was making bold moves for Jesus.
And He has such an impact on people because people knew him in his stance to kill people to now flip around and be like, okay, yeah, I was actually wrong about this. Um, let me put y'all on game. And then once he puts y'all all gang, he went a step further was like, Okay, what's that in the corner right there. You need to get that together. Because the Bible that I'm reading, don't say that right that you, you need to work on it. So God will never have an expectation that you change your core makeup. Right? And don't don't try to twist my words here. I'm not saying that there's not some stuff that God will call you out of because he will. He will call you out of things that are out of alignment with his will.
But I'm talking about the way that he made you, the emotional person that he made you the outspoken person that he made you the person that has ideas and sees things in systems and strategies. That person the person that deeply wants to make an impact the person that cares so much about friendships, the person that wants to see people heal from trauma, that person that wants to see people take charge of their health, that person your unique story. That's not going to change. He's not going to have If you change that, for the sake of who you are becoming, there are changes that are required but not changing your complete makeup. So what the heck do all these lessons mean for you? It means you need to stop hiding. We already talked about this, you need to stop hiding, you need to commit to say yes, because an abundant life is on the other side of your Yes.
So you need to be willing to learn from other people. I know you have your idea. I know you have this program, this project this device, you want to create all the things in your head, and I know you've got that ready. But let's be real, there's part of it that you don't really know how to do, right. And if you don't know how to do that, then you need to get help that you need, get the help you need. So you can advance to the next level if you need to heal from something because maybe starting this program requires that you speak to people and you go out in the community and you be like an active voice in the community.
But you're terrified of speaking go to therapy, he'll learn how to speak take a class on speaking you can go to YouTube University and learn half the stuff to begin with, do what you have to do to learn the lessons that you have to learn. Show up unapologetically. As you you never have to worry about the way that you present I there's a podcast episode loving the skin on men on this podcast and my friend came on the show and we were talking about who I used to be and who she used to be and how we used to show up or whatever. And I was like telling her that I was a theater kid.
And I volunteered at the library and I worked at the library and I used to read books and she was like it was clear judgment all on her face. Okay, she was like, oh, yeah, you were I'm like a what? A white girl. I was a what? Like, because I'm at the point in my life where I have embraced those aspects of me. Am I a nerd? Yes, I'm a nerd. And I don't even care. I don't care. Okay. Do I show up weird? Am I slightly awkward? Yes. Okay. But you know who else made it cool to be awkward? Isa, Ray, come on girl love insecure. And so it's stuff like that, because I felt so seen and so understood when I watched insecure and even if you go and you look at all of ESA stuff, her whole personality is like quirky and a little bit awkward and weird or whatever.
And I'm using air quotes, again, for those of you out there listening. And I use air quotes, because some people will see it that way. But then there's people like me that heavily identify with, you know how she presents, and I'm like, That's me. That's how I show up. So unapologetically, be yourself. And remember that your confidence is the vehicle to the life that you can't stop dreaming about. You can sit there all day and write a million notes in your phone, talk to a million people about show ideas.
But if you don't take action, you're going to be in the exact same spot next year show up confidently. Even if you don't really feel that confident. Show up confidently as confidently as you can. And remember our definition of confidence is the state of feeling certain about the truth of something but also when you fall having the courage to get back up. Girl what you've been watching what you've been reading what you've been listening, so media coin is less ah up.
Dr. Seida 18:38
Welcome back for another video. Hello, media queens, What are y'all watching which are listening to what's going on? I just finished any in Georgia. I know the new season came out a long time ago. I when it's stuff that I really enjoy, like shows that I really like I'm a little bit slow on the uptake just because I want to savor that show, you know. So I took a little bit of time to get myself prepared to watch the show. And when I tell y'all I cried so much in Israel. Okay, I cried so much. Okay. And it is what it is. Did you cry? If you cry? Let me know. Comment down below. Have you cried. Okay. And I want to know your kids watching this show. So there was a lot of heavy stuff in the show. And if you don't watch the show, I'm telling you I have so many young people say that they watch the show.
So you should probably watch the show just so you can know like what your kids are watching and have some conversations if that's necessary, but that's beside the point. If you are not at the end of Jenny and Georgia, you probably are going to want to skip this part because I'm about to maybe give a little bit of a spoiler here. So along the lines of like having confidence, I think George's confidence actually saved her life. Okay. She was very vulnerable in a lot of situations, but she would all He's put the wall up, which let's be clear, a lot of her behaviors were very toxic, extremely toxic.
Okay, I'm not vouching for her style of parenting by any means there was heavy and measurement and all those other therapeutic words. But that's not the point I'm making right now. The point I'm making right now is that George's confidence got her from her words, being a trailer park teen mom to the mayor's wife in a fancy town, and not just the mayor, but like a rich mayor. And I think it was beautiful to see how her and Ginny repaired.
And the most beautiful part to me was when she confessed everything well, almost everything to Paul and to see him love her through her confession. And so that's what I mean, when I'm talking about showing up unapologetically as who you are. Because the people that are meant to be in your life and love on you, they will do just that. They will love on you, they will show up for you. Even if they're upset with you. It was beautiful to see how her confidence carried her through even the ugliest parts of her story, she was able to put on a brave face for her daughter. Now, do I recommend that you do that? No. You got therapy.
So go ahead and take advantage of that like, and Georgia to go to therapy at one point, you know, so I've been loving Jenny and Georgia. I'm not trying to give away too many spoilers, but the way that these writers wrote the show, there was a lot of stuff. But it was amazing to see how even in the midst of this all the horrible things that Georgia had done, people could really see who she was. And so in spite of the way that George's parenting style is written and the way that she presents and all the things that she did. I was rooting for Georgia. I was rooting for Jeanne to but I was rooting for Georgia like man, you just got to watch the show. Okay, if you enjoyed today's episode, share the love show which a mama share which Auntie share with your best friend and then head on over to Apple podcasts and leave us a five star review reviews help the podcast to grow. Well. That's all I have for you this week. I'll see you out on the social media streets. Bye
Transcribed by https://otter.ai
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