E102: “Bein’ Nice” is Killing Your Purpose
**This episode was transcribed by Otter.ai, so please forgive any spelling errors.
Dr. Seida 0:00
You're listening to the Loveish podcast and I'm your host, Dr. Sita hood, Vision architect and licensed therapist. Each week, I'm going to help you to develop the belief and strategy necessary to make an immediate impact on the world by deep diving into topics like mental wellness, faith, relationships, and you guessed it, love. I should mention before we happen to the show, this is not a substitute for a relationship with a licensed therapist. You ready? Let's get it
Dr. Seida 0:39
Welcome back for another episode of the Loveish Podcast. I am your host, Dr. Sita hood, Vision architect and licensed therapist. It is a pleasure to be doing live with you today. Yall already know First things first. What's in your mug? Me? What is it? We have finally escaped the chokehold of Snickers coffee. And we are back to a regular smuggler, Zeigler classic a chai tea latte iced cuz it's summer, right? But I mean, I drink iced drinks and a winner too. So it is what it is honey. All right, let's jump into the content of today's episode. But first and foremost, did you hit that subscribe button yet? Are you following me? Am I a regular part of your week? Because if we're having these conversations like this, I feel like you should go ahead and subscribe. You should just meet me here. Okay, so go ahead, subscribe, share the show with somebody else if you think it's amazing. And let's jump into it. Okay, first things first, when we are talking about relationships, because we're tapping in I mean, hello. I didn't write a whole book on relationships. Yeah. Every week, we don't mean relationships. Okay? Anyway, when we're talking about relationships here, I want to be clear about what I mean relationship, in this sense can be a friendship, or it can be a romantic relationship. It could also be your parents, your siblings. I don't know it sounds harsh when we're talking about being nice in these relationships is killing your purpose. But it's just a fact. So we're gonna go ahead and roll with it. Because you know that I always tell you the truth. And I think that's why you keep showing up here every single week, because you know, I'm going to tell you the truth, I'm gonna be real, we're gonna be authentic on this podcast. Okay? Now, I know, it sounds really harsh to say like, oh, I need to stop me and my sister, my mama, to my daddy, to my siblings, whatever. That's not what I'm saying. But what I am saying is, this is why we do not subscribe to cut off culture, we can create some healthy distance, while still maintaining a relationship with people, every healthy relationship needs to have boundaries to flourish, the best kind of relationships are the ones where there is freedom to say what you need to say, even if it's the hard stuff. But there is still an immense amount of love that is present, there is no better feeling than that of like, being nervous to say something to somebody because you love them so deeply, having the space to say it to them. And that being well received, even if it hurts the other person. If you guys go back a couple of episodes where I did a real love series in February, and one of the episodes that I did was with my best friend. And we talked about the way that we resolve our conflict. And when we have conflict, how hard it is for us because we literally just love each other so much. We don't want to hurt each other. So sometimes, you know, the person who's expressing something might start crying and the other person start crying. And then we both cried because we like a lot of you but also I hate to do that like that is what it feels like to be in an aligned relationship where you don't have to walk on eggshells and you think that you are being nice or really you might be being on dorma. This is where we are going to take a break and have a word from our sponsor for this episode before we hop right on into it. Now that we've got a clean definition of what we're talking about when we say relationships. God 24k vision, you've got a dream so big, it feels impossible to carry alone. You filled countless notebooks, the notes section of your phone, and a ton of random sticky notes. God saved the trees, but you still haven't taken action on your big vision. You know that you're here for impact. Money Matters to fund your vision, but the real raw transformation That's what you're invested in. Do you want to know how close you really are to launching your big idea? Take the 24k vision assessment to find out, click the link in the show notes or down below this video. And let's do this. Welcome back. So what do I mean when I say being nice? I mean, somebody is getting on your Mickey fakie ever loving nerves, honey, with one or two things that they do, and you're not saying anything about it because I want to be nice, I'm not trying to hurt they feel is there is a way to say anything to anybody. You just have to be nice when you're doing it. Like, we forget that so much of the prerequisites of conversation, the elements of conversation is your attitude, your body language, and your heart for the person. So you're not actually being nice. I'm gonna tell you what you're doing. What you're doing is using that as an avoidance tactic. Yeah, yeah. Your version of being nice is really just avoidance. You are avoiding conflict. And honestly, you're hindering your growth, avoiding saying how you feel but inside you are boiling mad. And don't you dare try to tell me to to a man. Don't do it. Don't do. Listen, listen, listen, listen, hear me out. If you weren't mad, you would not be getting on the phone and calling out other homegirl to tell her what happened. And talking about it for 510 1520 minutes or talking to multiple people about it. Because you man. It's okay. We all had our messy seasons, and we all can still get messy moments. I still begin to temptation to be messy. I go oh to okay, I can be like, Oh, here's some do some whatever I gotta fill. I'm like, Ooh, I got an itch. I want to be messy right now. But do I want to make it happen? And I know some of y'all listening is probably like, girl bmsc going to heaven, whatever. But listen, here's the thing. I'm not trying to be in one of them situations where something that I said push somebody over the edge. You never know when a person is super close today, last straw. So to me being messy, and in my feelings and doing the most I'm the one who's like that. Ah, no, no, no, no, I don't want that person blood on my hands. I'm Gucci on that. No, thank you. No, no. Because somebody else to do it. No, no, it also hinders your growth because you grow in uncomfortable situations. And let's be honest, even if you've never done this before, because I know a lot of people that will just go somebody or disappear on a friendship, you have to be willing to try to express yourself in a healthy way instead of going off. And honestly, I don't really think it's fair. Because when you are saying I need to be nice, you're making a judgement about the other person's character and the way that they will respond. And that might not be a fair assessment of who they are. But this is also where grace comes in, because people need room to grow. So even if that is where they are, and you look at them as a person where you are wholeheartedly invested in them as a human, it's important to leave space for them to mess up, right, because somebody gave you space to mess up people give you grace when you mess up all the time. So you should extend that to them as well. So even if they don't necessarily handle the feedback correctly, but it is on you to do everything you can to make sure that you come at them correctly. And not that putting them like you got to throw their hands up to me. And speaking of making fair assessments of a person's character and giving people room to breathe, to make mistakes and everything else in between. When you call yourself being nice. You are actually cheating yourself out of quality. I want you to think about this. When you buy a bag, a car or a TV. Do you want the high quality item or you want the cheap item? I know some people's motto is I could always go low. That ain't me. If it's not high quality, you know, it's not necessarily about the most money, the biggest name whatever is not about that it's about the quality and does it do what I needed to do? Let's be real, a Mercedes Benz might be nice, but when you understand that it takes premium gas that's something to consider right because these gas prices are not cheap honey. However, again, I go back what is most important most people are still going to offer the bands I got because they still want that high quality item. Run me the Mercedes and I'll pay premium Okay.
Dr. Seida 9:59
If that's the case, why won't you view your relationships the same way high quality relationships take work, they take premium investments from you, they take you being intentional about being present in the relationship. If you feel like you have to be nice all the time, that probably means that you are walking on eggshells. And that's not fair to the relationship. And if you are in a relationship where you feel like you cannot talk to a person and tell them how you feel, then you probably feel like you're suffocating, or you probably feel like you're in prison. And if that's the case, relationship alignment is key here. And if you haven't heard the podcast, or watch the video on relationship alignment, then I am going to tag those in the show notes. And also in the video below, we're going to be talking about relationship expectations in Episode 27, relationship evaluation and episode 28. And the impact of high value relationships in Episode 29. If you are in a relationship with somebody who won't listen to you, because I hear people say yes, I tried to express and explain my boundaries and blah, blah, blah. And I will argue, sidenote, before I finished that thought, I would argue that if you are saying stuff, then your actions probably are not in alignment with what you're saying. You're telling people your boundaries, but you're not actually enforcing your boundaries. So for example, if you're like, Girl, if you want me to do something, you have to let me know a week in advance, or else I'm not doing it because my schedule gets flustered. She's probably like, Oh, my God, okay, girl, I'm so sorry, that she hit you up and be like, Yo, two days later, you know, 40 minutes, two days later, do you want to come with me to XYZ? And you say yes, all the time? Why would she hit you up more than a week in advance? If you're not honoring your own boundary? Because she's gonna think to herself? Yeah, no, she said that. But last time I asked her, she did this. So those actions and our words have to be in alignment. But let's just say all of that is the case. And if you're in a relationship with somebody that you feel like doesn't listen to you, then I'm going to tell you that you need to check out those episodes. Again, seriously, relationship alignment is key for creating a safe space. And a safe space is necessary for tapping into your purpose. When we come back, I'm going to talk to you about the deep rooted reason and the real issue, why you feel like you have to be nice, but first, we're gonna have a word from our sponsor for this episode. Made me poolside in Arizona, you're tired of feeling alone and trapped in a cycle of mediocrity. You're tired of constantly juggling all the things to work in a job where you have no control over the work you do. And if one more person tells you just how easy it is to manifest your dreams, you are going to screen you don't want to keep complaining because you know you're really blessed. But you just feel really miserable where you are, and terrified to take the first step. That's why we're here. We're the milyon collective Inc. And we're going to help you ditch your notebook and launch your project in as little as three months. It's time to unlock the boldest version of you know more million dollar ideas trapped in your notebooks, or in the notes section of your phone. Deep down you know you've got the genius, the tenacity and the boldness to bring this project to life. But right now, the path there feels clouded with self doubt. You want a clear step by step strategy. To make this project a reality. You want to connect with other bold dreamers just like you. You want a launch strategy that leaves people a static about your project release date, and you want to escape hustle culture. Knowing the work that you do makes a difference. We're looking to partner with you. Join 24k vision, a 90 day accelerator for audacious visionaries to ditch their notebooks and launch their project. Need the quick details 90 days of support, accountability and Hot Seat consulting on our group calls a four day immersive intimate weekend experience at the and Dez Luxury Resort and Spa in Scottsdale, Arizona, six months of access to the 24k club to connect with other audacious visionaries, access to our signature system, the visionary blueprint and so much more. This is not just another program. It is a blueprint and a launch strategy and we can't wait to partner with you to make your dreams a reality. Go ahead and click the link in the show notes or below. this video to learn more
Dr. Seida 15:10
welcome back, okay, the real reason why you are stuck being nice, it's time to stop performing. Okay? Say what you need to say and get off the stage. There's this lie that we have floating around in our heads that has probably been there since we were kids. And that lie is that we believe that we're only worthy of love. If we are performing this is killing us. This is killing us. Because we think that we have to perform a certain way for this person perform a certain way for that person, be like this for them. And where can you go to be yourself? I mean, I'm reminded of the song who can earn to Hey, okay, if you can be yourself, you can tap into your purpose. And it really is that serious? Because let's be honest here, Honey, do you really think everybody's assignments, or life goals for that matter, is to become that girl and always have aesthetically pleasing? photoshoots? No, it's not. I mean, I cute. Don't get me wrong. I watch aesthetically pleasing videos on YouTube and stuff. But nah, that ain't it. Originality is powerful. But you can't unlock your original intended purpose. If you are busy performing. If you busy tap dance and trying to make sure you got the routine right for whoever you're in front of, if you're busy shape shifting on your perspectives and your views and not really being real about how you feel and who you are, there are layers to your personality you haven't even tapped into yet. And you can't tap into you. You can't even tap into what you can do until you put yourself out there. I'm gonna give you all an example. Now I know for some of y'all box jumping at the gym, you might not even know what I'm talking about. Box jumping at the gym might not seem like a big deal, right? But when I had first got back into the gym, and I signed up for this class, and I was in this group, and it was all like jumping on a box and this box, I need someone to literally step up a box. Okay, a box and I was like, kind of my term. I was like, Nah, bro, I can't do that. I don't think that's gonna work for me. I was like, yes, you can come on, you can do this. You can do it. You got it. I was cheering me on and stuff. And I was like, Alright, I fall flat on my face, but it is what it is. And I jobs and I did it. Okay, and now can't nobody tell me nothing. I'm laughing but I'm so serious. That's how it is when you decide to go full throttle. And when you just try and when you put yourself out there when you're honest about how you feel, but you decide to pursue anyway, you discover that you can do something you didn't even know you could do. That's how you slide into purpose. That's how you tap into purpose. But if you are too busy blending in with everybody else, and being nice and too afraid to set boundaries and enforce boundaries, you will never tap into the fullness of who you were created to be. So it's time to stop performing. And if you want to know more about performative self acceptance and how to break the cycle, then you're going to want to check out episode 54 on performative self acceptance. I'll link it in the show notes and I'll link it below this video
Dr. Seida 18:43
it's time to talk about what I've been loving product recommendations shoutouts to family and friends and overall gratitude. Let's get into it welcome back to another one. I've been loving. Now for those of you that are listening, I'm gonna reach out to go to my YouTube channel Izzy this because what I've been loving this week, the selfies that the selfie stick and tripod. Okay, yeah, I know. We gave into some trends over here. I didn't give in at first right, but it's just that honestly, honestly, I'm gonna be real a child. I don't necessarily I'm an introvert. Okay. And I know when people hear that they'd be like, Why are you I know introvert, Be quiet, be quiet, be quiet. But I really am an introvert. I really could like spend a weekend in a house like just doing me and being quiet and just I'm an introvert. I'm only here doing this podcast. I'm only here doing these videos. I'm only here putting myself out there like that. Because this is what I believe God told me to do. Okay, and every time I come to the forefront, and I'd be like, Well, okay, I'm sticking my neck out here in a major way. It's like the Lord be like, come on. Get get out there more. Let's go. Let's go. And so I didn't just buy this selfie stick because I was giving into trends. I bought the selfie sticks slash tripod, because the Lord was like, more videos, more videos more. Come on, come on. And I was like a month, Monica. So anyway, here we are. And out of all the tripods I've had of all the selfie sticks I've had, this has got to be the best one. And I've only used it a couple of times. If you have been over on my Instagram, you will probably noticed that there's a lot more reels, there's a lot more videos. If you haven't been on my Instagram, what are you doing? What are you What what are you really doing? I thought we was closer than that. All right, it's okay, you can make it up. So go ahead and dip on over to Instagram and follow me at Dr. Sita hood. And then go ahead and DM me and let me know that you are a podcast listener so that I can follow you back because I believe in building a supportive tribe, a supportive community. And if I don't know like we're not following each other, and I don't know that you listen to the podcast and and all of that, like I can't follow you back. I don't know who you are. So that's first and foremost. But this is what I've been loving this week. Okay, and I guess I'm gonna leave the link below because No, I'm definitely gonna leave a link below because I feel like the Lord Collins Some of y'all about a high Oh, yeah, you you got there because you keep trying to happen. I don't know school. I'm talking to you. Yep. You You need one of these because you got to film more videos and you got to do that ASAP. Okay. I'm just here to tell you what we're saying. Okay. Don't Don't blame me. All right. If you enjoy today's episode, share the love share with your mama share with your auntie share with your best friend. Then head on over to Apple podcasts and leave us a five star review. reviews help the podcast to grow wealth. That is all I have for you this week. I'll see you out on the social media streets. Bye bye
Transcribed by https://otter.ai
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